I wrote a story that I would like to publish. I dedicated it to my mother in law. I would like to share the tiger I made for the cover.

I did not know that she loved tigers when I made this for her. I wrote the story while she was helping me get my boys to one of their appointments. Hopefully I can get it published soon.

 

A message for my therapist

I am having a hard time this week. The passing of my mother in law has been very hard for me. I do not know how I am handling things. I have been stuck in social situations for so long now and I have not had time to process anything. I ended up being stuck at the hospital over night with a bunch of other people. I don’t think I am doing well.

I feel like I am going to crash after this all is finished. I am feeling very overwhelmed. coming to see you is going to be very hard. Mom has been helping me go and see you. She has been helping me get to all my appointments. Everything is reminding me of her.  She treated me like a son and accepted me for who I am. She always tried to help me feel like I belonged.

I have made some progress over the last couple of years. Before I was barely able to do anything on my own. I could not order food, check out at the store, I could barely drive or do anything that involved me being around other people for any length of time.

Being around people is not the only thing that is difficult for me. I also have problems with sounds, smells, touch, motion and personal hygiene. Sometimes doing even the smallest tasks is too much for me. Having my wireless headphones is very helpful for this. My wife just found me a pair of noise canceling headphones that I am very excited about.

I have been doing much better about being around people in the last year or so. I do not think that I will ever enjoy being around people, but I think that with time I can learn better coping mechanisms that will help me not get so upset during social occasions.

Appointments are hard for me. I have lots of difficulty going to any kind of doctor’s appointment or even a visit to see my therapist. I always feel trapped. My therapist is trying to help me with guided imagery and breathing techniques, sometimes it can be helpful and other times it can make things worse.

I have an eye doctor’s appointment today. I am very nervous about it. I wish there is some way for them to sedate you and do an eye exam. I need new glasses and I am having problems with my eyes, so I need to go. I need to get my eyes dilated and I really hate that.

It is hard to go to therapy. I find it very difficult to talk to my therapist about the issues that I am having. I feel like most of our session is her calming me down to the point where I can talk to her. I don’t know if she realizes that I have a lot more problems than just anxiety. I do feel like she is helpful.

One thing I find helpful is making sure I can be comfortable in the situation. I can bring entertainment to give me something to focus on and wear comfortable clothing. One of the most helpful things that I can make sure that there is plan in place with my wife if I need to leave.

I needed lots of extra help while I was growing up. I was in speech, and physical therapy in school. I had to stop going to physical therapy, because I was too old for it. I had trouble with reading and I had all my test read to me all the way through school. I was told I have a reading disability possibly dyslexia.

Now I can read with the help of my kindle. Being able to change the font is very helpful to me. I have learned to understand when what I am reading does not make sense. I can also use my kindle listen to the audio if I am unable to read that day.

I found that many things that seemed to come easily for people was very difficult for me. I learned how to catch a ball when I was 18. I was spending some time in the hospital and one of the other patients taught me how.

The biggest thing that has helped me in my life is knowing I have a family that loves me for who I am. I know that even on my worst days my wife and children will still love me. My wife is very caring. She helps me to challenge myself while I am doing well, and she comforts me when I am having a bad day. My children know when I am not doing well. They will come and hug me if the see that I am having a hard time.

I want to be better for my family, so I can help them. I want to be able to teach Samuel things that he can do to help him live with his autism. Do not want him to live his whole life thinking that he was a failure like I have. It does not matter that whether you can do things that other people can, what matters is that you use your strengths to help you overcome your weaknesses.

I still have meltdowns, panic attacks, and sometimes it’s like my brain just shuts down, but the I can handle it better than I have been able to in the past. I have been making progress. Part of it has been getting to know myself better and learning how to cope better with the problems I have. I try to be a little better than I was before. I try to make progress, so I can be a better person. I try to push myself just a little bit farther every time. If I cannot handle things for a day its ok. I just need to do what I can when I can. If I push too hard I will have a meltdown.

I am glad that I am autistic, because it has helped me to understand that you do not need to be perfect to be important. Everyone is important. Just because someone one is different does not mean that you are better than them. Life is a journey and we are all traveling together. Spreading love and kindness is best way to help people.

The main thing I have learned is its ok for me to just try to be a better me and not to try to be someone I am not. I will never be normal and that’s ok. All I want is to be there for my family in a way that is helpful. I want to help them grow and become better people.

 

Writing this blog has helped me to express some of my feelings. I must pretend that no one is reading it to be able write it. I hope everyone is doing well.

I do not like leaving my house. There is too much going on in the world outside of my house.

It is very difficult for me to be around people. The thought of being around people terrifies me.  I normally can hold it together for a little while. While I am around people my vision becomes blurry, I have problems hearing, I cannot concentrate on anything and I have problems speaking.

My wife says I have selective mutism. It is like when I try to say something all the words just leave my mind. The more people there is around me the worse thing seem to be. I After a while I just have to get away from everything.

When I am around people there is just too much going on for me to handle. There are too many things to see, so many noises, too many voices and too many smells. I just cannot deal with it all.

The hardest part of being around people is dealing with the aftermath. Sometimes it will take me days to recover. It is like I cannot get out of my own head. My mind keeps going over the details of the event over and over again.

One thing that has helped me is the advice that I received from one of my doctors. He told me to stay in situations until I start to feel uncomfortable. Then when it becomes too much for me to process, leave and come back after I have some time to unwind.

One of the things that helps to keep me stable is finding  a balance. I have found that if I push myself too hard to get things done I will be completely useless. If I feel like I can’t do anything I try to choose one small task and get that done. Usually if  I wait awhile and just try to take it easy it will pass.

I think it is important to find things that you can do to make you feel like you have accomplished something even if they are small things.One thing that I try to do is do as much work as I can while I feel up to it and I take a break before I become overwhelmed. I am not very good at stopping before I become overwhelmed.

If I become overwhelmed it can be very difficult for me to get over it. Knowing I have people that care about me helps me a lot. Having children has helped me to see that even when I am not doing well I know I can still take care of them.

My wife is the most helpful thing in my life. I know that no mater how bad I am doing she will still love me.

I have been a stay at home parent for most of my oldest son’s life. I worked for about 3 months while my wife was pregnant with my youngest son. My wife works, because I am not able to work for very long at a time. I stay home and watch the kids.

I enjoy staying home with the kids and love spending time with them. I am very grateful that my wife is able to work and that she supports me. I like working and I often feel guilty for not being able to. Maybe one day if I work very hard or find a job that can work with me I will be able to work.

I have been working on writing children’s stories. Maybe one day I can sell some of them. I am trying to find someone to illustrate them for me.

I know people think I am lazy, but I have tried very hard to work. I just can not handle being around so many people all the time. Some days I  can do anything and some days I can do almost nothing.

My wife enjoys her work and has told me many time that she does not need me to work. It makes no sense for me to work, because I would just be working to pay for daycare.

I think that the hardest thing about staying home is going to Appointments. I have a hard time being around lots of people. It is very difficult for me to drive. My mother in law helps me when she can by driving me and going with me.

 

I discovered that many tasks I do are made easier by having wireless headphones. I purchased a cheap pair of waterproof ones on amazon. They have helped me a lot. I use them all the time. I even found that they help me when I am taking a shower to tune out the noise of the water.

The only problem is I keep losing them. I lost both the pair I bought for myself and the pair that I bought for my wife. I hope that I am able to find them soon.

I am 27 years old. I was recently diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. I have had problems all my life, but I did not know what was wrong. I have been hospitalized 3 times and each time I was given a different diagnosis. I had a few people say I probably had autism, but I did not know what to do about that.

When my wife and I learned that my oldest son had autism, I decided that I needed to get some help for myself. I am learning to work with my autism so I can help my son learn. Maybe I can help him live a better life than the one I had.

I am Chris and I have Autism. I am creating this blog along with a youtube page to try to express myself. I also think that this might help me to overcome some of my anxiety about communicating with people.